Mission Impossible ~ Last parts

Life sucks
Poor Ony and that girl too

Oh yeah... Life isn't fair all the time...

Part 22

A few hours later Javi found Ony sitting on the couch. His face was buried to his hands and some paper had dropped next to him on the floor.
- What’s happened? What is this? Javi asked and lifted the paper from the floor and read it.
- Oh, alright… Now I understand… Javi said finally.
- Are you angry to Carita? Javi asked then.
- No. It’s funny but I really understand why she acted like that, Ony answered finally.
- Are you doing like Carita said and forget her? Javi asked carefully.
- But of course not! Ony shouted. – I have to find Carita whatever it’ll cost!
- Do you realize that it’s impossible to do? You know nothing else than her first name. And how many people named by Carita is in Spain? Javi explained.
- But I know what she looks like, Ony argued.
- Ony, you can change the appearance so easily. She isn’t absolutely looking like that, what she looked like at the cruise, Javi sighed. – Think about it still. I’m sure that you’ll find a woman who can be totally honest to you, just like Carita said in her letter, Javi continued.
- No, I want only Carita, Ony said stubbornly.
- Okay. It’s your decision. But you’re causing unnecessary sorrow for yourself, Javi said.

The days passed by and for outsider Ony’s life seemed to be okay. He didn’t mention the cruise or Carita with any words. So others thought that he had got over those happenings, that he didn’t think Carita anymore. But it wasn’t true. Ony was acting to all that everything was fine in his life. But in real he was still thinking about Carita and how he could find her. There had to be some kind of way to do that. Nobody could live hidden forever. If he just could get even one clue where she was living. He wanted to talk with Carita for real. This kind of conversation where Carita was talking only, wasn’t nice at all. Ony wanted to tell his feelings to Carita too. And it wasn’t bothering him if he didn’t know where Carita was working. The main thing was that he could be together with her. It was the most important thing right now.

Even Javi tried to stop Ony, he started to seek Carita from different places. First he found out of all those Caritas who were living in Spain. And number was pretty big. Next he found out how old they were. And every time he found a woman who was almost the same age than he, Ony called to her and asked if she was at the same cruise than he.

The working was very slow. But it just proved more strongly how serious Ony was with this. Javi, Mikel and Basty just rolled their heads hopelessly. In their opinion there wasn’t any sense of Ony’s behaviour anymore. If Carita wanted to be invisible, shouldn’t they respect her wish then? But Ony didn’t agree at all. Carita had become an obsession to Ony. And it wasn’t nice thing, not at least Carita’s point of view.

Part 23

I was feeling much better now when I had sent the letter to Ony. At least Ony knew a part from the truth, so much as I could tell him. But I wasn’t going to tell ever to Ony that he’s friends death was mostly my fault. Ony didn’t need to know anything about it.

A few weeks later I got a call from my boss to visit in the headquarters. He wanted to talk with me some things. It wasn’t so usual custom to ask people to talk straight to the headquarters. Usually that kind of things handled by phone or somewhere else. So the things was really important or then nobody outsider really wasn’t allowed to hear anything.

I was little restless when I went to the headquarters. I couldn’t guess what the thing was which my boss wanted to talk with me.

- Sit sown, my boss said when a few minutes later I entered to his office.
I sat down on the chair and waited when my boss would start.
- You have probably met a guy called Ony during that cruise, he started.
- Yes, I am, I confessed.
My boss had probably found out a bit what had happened there. This was the side I hated truly from my heart in my job. Nothing couldn’t stay as a secret, but the boss found out everything necessarily information if he wanted.
- And you didn’t tell who you really are, right? my boss continued.
- Ony knows only my first name, I told the truth. – Nothing more.
- Well, it’s so much that this Ony has searched all the living Caritas’ information in Spain and he is going trough them one by one now.
- Oh no… Ony is wasting his time there. Doesn’t he realize how impossible it is? I said.
- Obviously he doesn’t. But he won’t find you, our protecting system takes care of that.
- And I said to Ony that there’s no point to try to search me, but obviously he didn’t listen to me.
- We’re following the situation, but a piece of advice for the next tasks: don’t tell even your first name for the new people you meet there. So we don’t need to waste time this kind of mess anymore.
- So, you asked me here just to tell me that information which isn’t threatening me at all, I asked surprised.
- Actually yes. I wanted to see how you would react to that information. And now I can safely give you new missions, because what I saw now I don’t believe that this man’s doings would affect you in any ways.
- And what if this information had affected me some way? I had to ask.
- Well, in that case I should have considered once again if we can give new missions to you. But now, I have other things to do so you can leave, he said.

I walked really amazed out of the office. So, he had almost kicked me out from my work. It had been really close. Luckily I hadn’t reacted any wrong way to Ony’s doings. I was just thinking how Ony couldn’t accept the fact that it our relationship wasn’t possible. Ony was just wasting his time while searching me, I actually didn’t want to see him. I wanted to remember him just like he was during the cruise. It was enough for me.

I hope Ony will succeed

Oh yeah, me too.
I still don't have any idea if he can do it or not..

I'm posting this pretty quick now because I'm too bored to keep this myself anymore...
Just you to know...

Part 24

~ Two years later~

My life had calmed after the Ony thing. I didn’t think about him so much anymore, but I haven’t forgotten him either. They could say that my life was normal, just like it was before the cruise, at least almost.

I had done different kinds of tasks around the Spain. My boss hadn’t mentioned Ony at all after our conversation. So obviously Ony had given up some day. Now I had got another call to the headquarters. My first thought was that it had something to do with Ony. But I would find out it soon.

I sat down opposite my boss, once again.
- I would have a new task for you. There’s only one but in this thing.
- Well, what?
My boss gave the folder of that task. I read it trough but I still didn’t understand. My task was to follow a singer who would perform at a festival.
- D’Nash is performing there too.
- But they aren’t walking in the crowd, I said.
- No, but you’re walking with the artists. You would have noticed it if you had read the folder more closely, my boss told.
- So, nobody else can take this one?
- No, you’re the only one who is free at the moment.
- Okay. I’m avoiding them as much as I can.
- Good. That I was thinking too.
My boss showed that the conversation was over and I could leave.

I was little bit confused about the conversation. They were sending me there only because I was the only free one and they told me to behave well. I could behave but I couldn’t be so sure about Ony, if he saw me. He might build up a huge show if he saw me. But I didn’t want to think about it beforehand. I would see him or not. It would be better if I didn’t saw him but I believed I could survive also seeing Ony.

I arrived to the festival area earlier than it was necessary, just like a good worker did. Until there I realized what really my work was. Rightly said I was a servant of those artists. They told me to do what they wanted; I had to bring water to them, find the missing scarf and so on. The whole morning I ran because these spoiled people, to whom nothing seemed to be good enough.

Actually I served only the female artists, but I crashed into some male artist. But D’Nash stayed away from me. I watched the performances behind the stage, I couldn’t go to the crowd because I had to be ready to serve those artists. I had taken a leaflet of the festival so I saw in which order artists were going to perform. That’s how I knew to stay away from the stage when D’Nash was going to perform. I didn’t want to take any risks that I would meet them here.

I was busy on that time D’Nash performed, so luckily I didn’t crash into them. At the same time I had of course kept eye of the artist who I had to follow here. And a part of my running from place to place was because of I followed him a bit.

The festival was actually over but artists were still at the area. I was taking a new water bottle to a really demanding female artist. But all of a sudden I heard too familiar voice yelling behind me.
- Carita!!!
Ouch. If I wasn’t wrong it couldn’t be anybody else than Ony. I stopped and turned slowly around. And a man with blonde hair was rushing to me. Yes, it was Ony.

Part 25

- Carita! Don’t you realize how much I have tried to search you? Ony asked and grabbed me from my shoulders.
- Yeah, actually I understand. But do YOU realize that I’m working here? So could you please let me go and keep a little less noise, I asked.
Ony let me go, but stayed all the time near me. Maybe he was afraid that I would run away again.
- I want to talk with you, Ony continued while he was walking next to me.
- Well, talk then, I sighed.
- It doesn’t bother me, if I don’t know where you’re working. If I just can be with you.
I shook my head hopeless. We arrived in front of the room where that artist was to whom I was taking that water bottle. I gave the bottle to her and came back to Ony. I pulled him little aside where we could talk in peace.
- Ony, listen to me. I think that I’m just an obsession to you. And that fact you wouldn’t know where I’m working would disturb me, even it wouldn’t distract you. Just try to understand that it’s not possible that we could be together. Accept that like I have done.
I lifted my begging eyes to Ony. But then Ony hugged me suddenly.
- But I don’t want, he mumbled against my shoulder.
I stroked his back silently.
- You had to accept things which you can’t change in your life, I whispered. – You’re a great man. I’m sure you’ll make some woman happy someday.
I comforted Ony long time there. I knew really well how he felt. Love somebody who didn’t show any feelings to you.
- One way I understand how you feel right now, I said after a long silent moment.
- How come?
- I have noticed too that I care about one person, I answered.
- Have you told about that to him?
- No. It wouldn’t be wise. You know this my situation.
- But you don’t know his feelings unless you don’t tell to him about your feelings.
- Maybe I don’t even want to know.

Ony hasn’t still let me go.
- Ony… Could you please let me go? I asked carefully.
- I don’t want.
- But we can’t stand here forever.
Ony didn’t answer anything but he didn’t let me go either. I noticed Basty was looking at us little aside. I asked him to come nearer with my hands. When I asked once again that Ony would let me go, Basty understood everything.
- Ony, what if you would let her go? he suggested and his other hand was Ony’s shoulder.
- No.
Basty walked away and came with Mikel back. Together they started to beg that Ony would let me go. When their words didn’t affect in any ways, they grabbed Ony’s hands and twisted his hands of me. It was the most terrible moment to look at Ony’s beaten being, when he was standing between Mikel and Basty staring at the floor.
I touched Ony’s shoulder.
- I’m sorry, I said, almost crying.

I left quickly away that I wouldn’t start to cry more. Tears were falling on my face when I walked away. I felt so bad, but deep in my heart I knew I was doing the right thing. All of a sudden I crashed into Javi. If I had looked even a little around me, I would have noticed him perhaps.
- What’s wrong with you? And what are you actually doing here? Javi asked surprised.
I just waved my hand and shook my head. I couldn’t speak. At the same time that man walked next to me who I had followed the whole day. And he was obviously leaving somewhere. I had to follow him!
- Hey, let’s talk a bit, Javi said and grabbed my hand.
- No, I can’t now, I said and pulled my hand off his hand, wiped tears off my cheeks and left after my target.
It was already the second time when I left Javi staring behind me stupidly.

Finally Ony met with her....but poor Ony
And Javi....again haven't talked with her
Amazing parts

And now what? You know.. She should move to a different country if she wants to avoid Ony..

Maybe , one day, both will see the light and be happy ever after

Part 26

I guessed right. This male singer walked out of the festival area and I followed him little after. This time my task was only to follow the man, we didn’t have any intention to kill him; he was pretty famous singer over here. I had to only solve if he was connected to a drug ring which we had followed already for a while.

That man seemed to have exact destination. He was walking so surely on the streets. The tears were already dried from my face. I had to be ready now, I didn’t have time to worry my own problems. Luckily there were many people walking on the streets so it was easy to me assimilate to the people on the streets. There were appearing problems only then, when the man turned to alleys where were walking less people. I had to figure out something if he was going to walk on the streets like this long time. Spying on empty streets was pretty impossible. Finally I had to make tight decision. I walked to one street which was across the street the man was walking. Then I turned to next crossroads to walk to same way than my target. I was following the man still but only from the street which was beside the street he was walking. I took a bit advantage by running in front of him. I trusted he would walk to the same way all the time. I would be in big troubles if he would suddenly turn to some other street. I turned then to a street which crossed the street where my task was hopefully walking. I peeked carefully around the corner and I saw him walking slowly to me.

Somebody knocked me on the shoulder. I jumped almost a meter to air, so concentrated I had been on my task. I turned angrily to look who had followed me.
- What the hell you are doing here? I yelled to Javi.
- I followed you.
- Well, I noticed that. But why?
- I would like to talk with you.
I looked fast my task. He wasn’t near us yet.
- I can’t now. I’m at work.
- Well I noticed that because of this strange running and walking around the streets.
- So, can you go away and not to disturb me?
- No. I want to talk.
- But I’m at work! I yelled.
I looked again my task and I realized he was really close to the crossroads where I was with Javi. He mustn’t see me, but I couldn’t run off anymore. And besides the street was full of houses, there weren’t any shops or cafés where I could go.
- Oh shit… I muttered silently.

If Javi hadn’t shown up here, I would have time to hide myself somewhere. But Javi would pay now for this. I didn’t know if my task turned to this street or would he continue walking straight. I peeked once again around the corner. The man was almost at the crossroads of the streets. I swore once again in my mind and pulled Javi from his hand to the nearest niche. I pulled Javi in front of me and kissed him straight to his mouth. And just in time. My task turned to the same street where I was with Javi and started to walk towards us. I was kissing still Javi, but I was keeping eye on my task. I think Javi still didn’t understand what this all was about, but he didn’t disagree at all.

When I couldn’t see that man anymore I released my hands of Javi and looked carefully after my task. He was walking still along the street. I went back to the niche.
- What? Am I not going to get a new kiss? Javi asked and winked his eye.
- I’m afraid, no, you won’t get a new kiss. I had to do it, otherwise he would have seen me, I answered.
- Is your job so intimate? Javi asked laughing.
- Only then, if some jerk is interrupting. Then that jerk will also pay for it, I glowered Javi badly.
- Well, I can interrupt you more often if it costs that kind of kiss. Now I don’t wonder how Ony had a crush on you.
I stared at Javi coldly. – Dare to kid of it!
- I’m sorry. But can we talk now?
I looked after my target.
- No. I have to go. Do you promise to stay here?
- No, I don’t. I still want to talk with you.
I sighed frustrating. Obviously I had to tie up him there. Except I didn’t have any kind of rope. But, wait a minute…
- So, you aren’t going to stay away from my way? I wanted to be sure.
- No.
- I’m sorry but that was a wrong answer, I said and took quickly my handcuffs from my pocket, I put other end to Javi’s wrist and another one I put to iron hook on the wall.
- Hey…What is this? Javi asked surprised staring at his another hand which was now tacked on the wall of the building.
- I’m coming to let you go when I’m finished my work. If I remember… I grinned and stack my tongue out.

Part 27

I started to run fast so Javi couldn’t grab me with his free hand. And I had to hurry after my target. I heard Javi’s loud swearing behind me. “That’s what you get” I thought in my mind.

I ran again after my target along the streets. Now it was a bit easier again because there were more people in the streets. Suddenly I noticed that the man entered to apartment block. I searched a place where I could keep an eye the door. Luckily opposite the house there was a café where I went to sit. I ordered a coffee and a wiener because I didn’t know how long I was going to sit there.

After about half an hour, my target came out of the building. I noticed immediately that he had extra bag with him. He didn’t have it earlier. I sipped the coffee fast and paid the bill. I left after him. He walked straight to festival area, to his own dressing room.

Then I realized that Javi was obviously still standing in front of the building where I stacked him with handcuffs. And there I found him a moment later. Submitted to his destiny, nicely waiting for me.

But there I was totally wrong. When he realized I was there, Javi looked at me his eyes glowing of anger.
- You came here.
- Well, I couldn’t leave my only handcuffs here, I said.
I was too tired to care about Javi now. I knew I was mean but I didn’t ask Javi to annoy me. I opened the handcuffs and put them in my pocket. I turned around to leave back to festival area. I had to write the report still. But I underestimated Javi. He grabbed my shoulders, pushed me against the wall and locked my hands on the both sides of my head.
- I require benefits for that I had to wait for you here long time, Javi said seriously.
I shook my head. If Javi was trying to scare me with his being, he failed it totally.
- I don’t think I won’t even ask your permission about that. You didn’t do that either, he said and kissed me harshly.

That was an act I really hadn’t expected. Except I was only a woman so I had to answer to his kiss. If my hands had been free they would have found their way to mess Javi’s hair.
- Content? I asked catching my breath at the same time when Javi finally released my lips.
- Well…almost. But now we can talk when you’re there, Javi said and understandable smile appeared on his face.
- Okay, let’s talk then. I hope I can get rid of you in that case, I sighed.
- I want to know where you are working, Javi said.
- Do I really need to spell it out or what? I can’t tell, I spelled slowly like to a little child.
- Then I have to convince you. And I know one pretty good way which works with women, Javi told.
I started to feel a bit unsure about what he was going to do.
- I won’t say anything, even you would do what, I said bravely.
- It’s your choice. But I would guess that five is enough in your case.
- Five what? I asked just before I realized what it was all about.

Javi is such a meanie! Haha, a funny one though *giggles8

~Mar~ wrote:Javi is such a meanie! Haha, a funny one though *giggles8

Totally agree with Mar
Great parts

Part 28

Javi was talking about kisses. After third one I started to be really unsure. Javi was obviously doing his best.
- Well, do you tell now where you’re working?
- No, I said but immediately I realized I couldn’t resist him if he was continuing that forever.
- Maybe you’re changing your mind after five next ones.
I coughed. – If I was you, I would think that twice, I said and lowered my look down to my shoes. Javi’s eyes followed mines and when he understood the situation he breathed deep. I had military boots whit steel toe. And my other foot was between Javi’s legs.
- So… If I lift my leg really fast now, your skills to continue your family can be in danger. If I was you now, I would consider of letting me go, now, I said emphatically.
Javi let me go pretty fast.
- That I was thinking too. Others can threaten too here. And now, if I ask you to stay here that I can leave on my own, you’ll stay here, right? I asked.
Javi nodded his head.
- Finally a right answer from your mouth, I said and left to walk away.

When I got around the corner I started to run as fast as I could. At first, I didn’t trust Javi. He could easily follow me again. And second, I wanted to get as far away as it was possible. Javi had managed to mess my thoughts totally and I had to arrange them again.

I ran until the festival area and took my stuff there quickly. I hurried to my car and drove straight away to home. When I got there, I shut the door fast and leaned against it relieved, I was safe, finally.

I wrote the report and sent it forwards to the headquarters. Until that I let my thoughts flow without any blocks. What the heck had happened there, in the street? Well, I had kissed Javi at first, so my target wouldn’t notice me. And then later Javi had kissed me many, many times. (Actually six times.) And that didn’t ease this situation at all, actually that fact was making it even worse. And why Javi wanted to know where I was working? Was it only a reason how to get to talk with me? What the hell was happening here now? I didn’t understand anything anymore. One fact I understood really clearly, that I had feelings against Javi. And I really shouldn’t have those kinds of feelings at all. Not now, not this kind of situation.

Again all this started from the beginning. I should start to avoid Javi. Though I think it wouldn’t be a problem. If I knew right, he didn’t live in Barcelona, Obviously I should be as far away of men as I could. They were causing too many problems. It was much easier to live alone, without men. Then you didn’t need to tell every single detail where you were and with whom, you could do whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted.

So I told the things to others who were wondering why I didn’t have a boyfriend. I could live easily without a man. That was what I always said to curious ones. But it was different thing was it true. Because deep in my heart I knew I was playing only a role. I didn’t want to be like that for real. I wanted there would be someone who would be at home when I would come there. Someone who would hug me long and just keep me near. Someone who would see when I wanted to talk and when only an existence was enough. I hadn’t found that kind of man yet, and I wouldn’t found ever. There just wasn’t that kind of man in this world. All was only my pure imagination. I just had to accept that cruel truth, that I was alone, apparently rest of my life. Nobody knew anything about my hopes, because I didn’t show to anybody what kind of person I really was. Maybe it was some kind of defence mechanism; a protecting wall to myself which didn’t let anybody or anything near me.

Final summary about my quickly running thoughts: forget men and concentrate on work.
So I decided and so I did.

Part 29

My life settled down little by little. I was working and took some take offs when there weren’t new tasks. I said to my boss directly that I didn’t want to work that kind of places where crashing into D’Nash was possible. I didn’t explain my wish in any ways and he didn’t ask anything. He just promised to make sure that D’Nash wasn’t near my targets.

One evening I was spending a relaxing home evening. I had just came back home from a little longer task. But a doorbell interrupted my evening. I was wondering who it could be, but then I thought one of my friends is visiting to surprise me. At the same time my phone started to ring. I stopped; should I pick up the phone first and open the door after that or the other way round? I answered the phone at first, I could open the door even I was talking to phone. My boss was calling me.
- You have a quest soon, he said only.
I was walking towards the door all the time.
- Well, the doorbell just rang. But how you know about that?
When I reached the door I peeked from the eye sight. Then I understood.
- Oh shit… I swore silently.
- I just thought I would inform you, my boss continued.
- How the hell is that possible that Javi has found my address? I whispered to phone angrily.
- Even we can’t hide every detail which you have left and you have messed yourself the things with him. Good luck, my boss said and cut the call.

I stared at the phone and the door really angry. I didn’t have any intention to open the door for Javi. Not now, not ever. For my side, he could even die behind that door, I could live here in my flat. I had enough food in my cupboards to stay in.
- Carita, I know you’re there. I heard your voice, I heard a voice behind the door.
I opened the door with safety lock, about ten centimetres.
- Go away! I yelled from the gap of the door.
- Couldn’t we talk like adults?
- YOU could behave like an adult and leave me alone, I said angrily.
- Just let me in, Javi asked kindly.
- No. I don’t have any intention to do that at all, I said and shut the door.
- Just for you to know that I’m not going to leave here at all, I could hear behind the door.
I walked restless around my apartment. What I was going to do now? I could go nowhere if Javi really stayed all the time behind my door.

Then my letter box started to spit pieces of paper. Most of them were only asks to let him in, some of them he complained how uncomfortable the corridor was. I had stayed to sit on the floor, leaning on the wall with my back, because I got new piece of papers all the time.
I took a pen and paper to myself also and wrote a message to Javi.
“Why you are here? We don’t have anything where to talk, at least I don’t have” I wrote to paper and sent it to Javi.
Soon I got an answer back.
“Oh, YOU don’t have anything where to talk? Well, I would have. And I wouldn’t like to tell them with these kinds of little papers. And don’t you think we should talk what happened during the festival day? At least I would like to know what happened there.”
I looked at the paper for a moment before I sent the answer.
“I don’t have anything to say about those happenings. Just forget them and go away behind my door.”
I got an answer very soon.
“Are you uncaring and blind?! We can’t ignore them just like that! And I’m not going to leave before you’ll let me in."
That message made me see red, but I didn’t answer anything anymore. And Javi was quiet too for a long time. But then my letter box sent a new paper to me.
“Could we please talk like two adults face to face? Why are you pretending a person who don’t need anyone near you and who will make everything on your own? What bad there is if you trust somebody else too? That I have thought here.”

After that message I lost my mind totally. Usually I could control myself any kind of situation but for a short time had happened so weird things that there needed less to get somebody angry.
- And what psychologist you think you are? I yelled straight to Javi’s face, after opening the door fast.
- I think I managed to hit a tender place, Javi said neutrally.
- Go to hell, I said straight from my heart.
- No, because we’re talking now, Javi said and walked in even I tried to stop him.

Go Javi, go Javi *cheers*

But what about Ony?

Exactly Mar, that's the question...

Oh Javi
Well I have the same question about poor Ony

Part 30

I was opening and shutting my mouth without getting any voice from me. How Javi dared to walk inside my flat just like that? He walked straight to my living room like this was his apartment. I stepped in front of him and crossed my arms to my chest.
- Can you please tell me now what the HELL you’re doing here? And how did you even get my address? I asked angrily and stared at Javi strictly
- It doesn’t matter how I have ended up here. But we start with that you could tell me where you are working. Maybe you start to understand then why I’m here, Javi answered.
- Do I have to use a hammer so you would finally understand? I…Don’t…Still…Tell…Anything, I spelled and accented every word.
- Well, would it help if I told how I got your address?
- Maybe…I admitted, even I really didn’t have any intention to tell him anything.
- All started from your handcuffs. Only polices have them. So I got your details after long explanations from the archive of police. But it took many weeks until I got the details. Somehow I could imagine that you’re still working almost like police. But I would gladly hear it from your mouth before I would start guessing. Because after details which police gave me, your details disappear totally, Javi explained.

I walked restlessly around the living room.
- Could we talk about this more tomorrow? It’s already so late, I tried to change the subject.
- No, no way. We’ll solve this now, even it would take all night. I know you wouldn’t let me in tomorrow anymore or then you would have gone away, Javi shook his head.
I sighed deep. What I was going to do now? On the other hand Javi knew almost everything… Would something change if I told the rest? But on the other hand, telling was prohibited. Actually telling everything to Javi would ease my life a lot. I would get rid of him totally. It was the only thing I wanted now.

- Could you tell me what happened after the festivals? Javi asked.
- Well what do you think there happened then? I continued asking.
- Don’t you really understand I’m interested in you?
- And don’t you see what happened to Ony? He broke his heart because of me. I’m just a heartbreaker and I don’t want to do it to you, I said quietly.
- But do you know that I’m different than Ony? Javi asked.
- Really?
- I can see behind your protecting wall. I can see you’re sick of being alone. But you’re too stubborn to admit it.
- Screw you! I yelled at him.
- You’re angry just because you know I’m right.
- Can you leave me alone? I don’t want you to my life, believe it! I yelled.
- I don’t believe you. Otherwise you wouldn’t have acted like this.
- I don’t want to hurt you, like I had to hurt Ony even I didn’t want. I should have been stronger and I shouldn’t have let him close to me in the ship. If I had been strong. NOW I’m going to be strong. I don’t want that you come near me, I would hurt you even so. I have too much secrets around me, they start to distract you sooner or later. It’s better you forget me, just like Ony should have done. Otherwise the same destiny is waiting for you, I explained to Javi.
- If you lowered that wall just for a moment and showed what kind of person you really are. Ony saw only a mask you have built for others, I can see tiny bits about that person who you really are. Let other people see the same I do sometimes, Javi asked silently.
- Don’t you realize, I can’t? That mask is my protection against people.
But Javi didn’t listen to me.
- You can start for example where you’re working, Javi gave a hint.
I shook my head.

- Can you just go away? I’m not going to tell you anything, believe now! I asked quietly.
- I won’t believe you! I don’t have any intention to go! Javi argued.
I was quiet for a while.
- Javi. Please, leave! NOW! I said and loaded all of my will to those words. I just wanted him out of my flat. I stared out of the window, my back was towards the room. I waited what solution Javi would do. Finally I heard Javi’s steps going to hall. I sighed for a relief when I heard how my front door shut after him.

I waited for a moment. Then I burst into helpless cry. Once again I turned one person away from my life. That kind of it had always been. I had to lie all the time about everything, even about my feelings.

Part 31

- I guessed this, I heard suddenly a voice behind me.
Javi turned me against him and hugged me tight.
- You cheated, I mumbled against Javi’s shoulder.
- I knew you didn’t mean that for real. And I think I was right too, he whispered.
- I’m just so tired to tell lies to everybody. I can’t stand this anymore, I whispered suddenly.
- Let me help you then. Let me near you, so I’ll help you, Javi said.
I had always survived alone, why I needed someone’s help now? But obviously I had faced my winner. I knew I was wrong, but I didn’t want to confess that, not aloud.
When I did my decision, I relaxed and leaned myself more against Javi. I had given up finally.
When I had been so close to someone last time? It had happened too long time ago and that was the scariest thing here.
- Should I understand this thing now that you have stopped arguing with me? Javi asked after a while.
I released my hold so I could look straight to Javi’s eyes.
- Hey, don’t cry, Javi whispered and dried a tear from my cheek.
Even so I cried. I turned my head away from him and tried to stop weeping. But Javi grabbed gently my chin and turned my face back to him.

I couldn’t look at Javi’s eyes properly. I was so confused about everything. I was afraid if I looked at Javi’s eyes any longer, I would go mad totally. I didn’t know what I should have done or said or felt. All was just one big mess in my head. I had to get my thoughts in some kind of order, otherwise my head would explode.
- I…don’t…My…NO! I yelled finally and released Javi’s hold of me.
I ran straight away to my bedroom and shut the door loudly shut. I just wanted to hide from everything. I had to clear my thoughts. What had happened a short while ago? Had I told everything to Javi or not? What I had said? What kind of signals I had given him? I was hysteric, lying under my covers. I had my eyes tightly closed, I didn’t want to see anybody or anything. Maybe it would help to clear my head. My heart was although beating like a crazy. Adrenalin was flowing around my body. I just couldn’t concentrate on anything.

I heard how the door opened slowly. Soft steps came towards my bed. I felt how the other side of the bed went a bit down when Javi sat down on the edge of the bed. I heard him doing something. Then I felt how he was lying near me. I felt how he wrapped his arms slowly around me and how he pulled me against him. His heart was beating calmly against my back, mine was still beating fast. Javi didn’t say anything, he just kept me near him. Apparently it was the only thing I needed because little by little my heart started to beat normally and my head started to be clearer. Why I had even panicked like that? That peace and safety which gave out of Javi calmed me so much that I fell asleep soon.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawww...

Awww Javi is so sweet
I am curious to read more

Part 32

I woke up when something tickled my nose. I sniffled for a while but something was still tickling me. I pulled my head backwards wondering at the same time what I had got to my nose. But I hit my head against something and got there something new to think about. Where I had hit my head? I started to remember something little by little. I remembered Javi had come here so I guess I had hit my head to Javi’s head. Ouch. It was a miracle Javi hadn’t woken up. He had good skills of sleeping at least. I got up quietly and walked quietly to the kitchen. Last evening’s or night’s happenings were still a bit in the fog. Maybe strong coffee would help to clear my head. I put the coffee machine on and went to bathroom at the same time. I made also some sandwiches while waiting the coffee.

At last I was sitting at the table, browsing the newspapers while I was eating my breakfast. Yesterday’s happenings started to come back to my mind slowly. We had talked in the living room and Javi had hugged me and I had cried also. The next thing I remember was that I had run hysterically to my bedroom. I remember Javi came there and hugged me again. Obviously I had fallen asleep then.

The smell of coffee had apparently woken up Javi too because I heard him opening the door of the bedroom.
- There’s coffee, I waved my hand towards the machine. – And you can find cups over there, I pointed one cupboard, when Javi walked in the kitchen.
- Thanks, he said and poured some coffee to mug.
Javi sat down opposite me, the mug in his hand.
- How are you feeling now? he asked after a moment of silence.
- Quite okay. Why?
- I think you panicked a bit yesterday.
- Don’t remember me about that, I asked and buried my face into my hands. I was ashamed about my behaviour. – I don’t understand why I even acted like that.
Javi outreached over the table and pulled my hands away from my face.
- Hey, there’s nothing to be ashamed about. I understand it may be hard to let anybody near if you haven’t done that before. I should have realized it beforehand.
- It wasn’t your fault, I shook my head.
- Well maybe not, but I could have thought twice before doing anything.
- We both could have done some things differently. But it’s too late to think about it anymore.
-Maybe I should leave you here alone to think about these things. You can clear up your mind you know what you really want, Javi said and put his cup to the sink.

It was like Javi would have read my thoughts. I had just thought I wanted to think about these things alone before I would do any decision.
- You know, you’re the first person who really understands me. It feels like you would read me like an open book, I confessed suddenly.
But I am reading you like open book, Javi sneered. – Because I can see behind your mask which many people apparently can’t do.
I stayed there thinking Javi’s words. Had my long time ago built wall started to weaken so much that Javi could see what kind of I really was?
- What do you think if I’m coming back at the weekend? Let’s talk then more, Javi suggested.
- Okay, I nodded for answer.

- Javi! Wait! I yelled after Javi when he was almost going out of my flat. I ran after him. He had already his hand on the door handle and he looked at me asking expression on his face. I walked straight to him and kissed him shortly but gently. I turned back without looking at Javi at all and walked back to kitchen.
Javi had gone.

Epilogue

The door bell rings. I run to open the door.
- You came… I say.
- Of course. I promised to come, you smile.
I let you in.
- I have thought about things, I say.
You haven’t even got in properly.
- What have you thought then and what’s the conclusion?
- This, I whisper and press my lips tightly against yours.
I wrap my arms around your neck at the same time when you wrap your arms around me.
- I love you Javi, I say silently and stare at your green eyes finally.
- I love you too, Javi says and kisses me again.

We stay there standing, my forehead against Javi’s forehead. It’s enough for me to know that Javi is there no matter what. I was too tired to fight back anymore. Obviously it was meant to be like this, even I wouldn’t have believed it myself. Because I was trying to resist as much as I could, but it wasn’t enough.

The future will contain a lot of problems, I know that even I’m not any prophet. I’m sure Ony will know about this sooner or later. And then I’ll owe an explanation to him. And I’m not going to tell Javi about my job. He knows everything that he needs to know about it. I have to be loyal against Ony. I didn’t tell anything to him, so I’m not going to tell anything to Javi either.
I’m afraid Ony won’t understand why I’m now with Javi but I didn’t even want to consider being with him before. I guess this situation will cause problems and fights between us three.
But that’s totally different story which takes place somewhere else in some other time…


The End

~
Sometimes it feels that even you seem to have everything you need in your life, something is still missing. Actually you can find the missing part only then, when it walks into your life. Probably it’s the weirdest one of all possible choices. It may be that you don’t even want to confess that something is missing. You have a flat, a job, friends and always something to do. Although the most important part is missing. What without anybody can live. I’m talking about love. We need love around us. Without our closest friends and family who likely love you, life would be dark and boring. And besides people are so funny beings that we miss the right person next to us. Some people find it right away. Some have to search it longer. And then, there are those people who can’t find it ever. People can also think they don’t need anyone near them. But it’s just a big fat lie. Everybody needs people around them. Someone just have to open those eyes who can’t realize that themselves.

Sometimes you just have to give them arrange things who know them best. Let yourself just go with the flow and look what it brings to you. Maybe you’ll meet the love there if you just realize to catch it. If you find it, don’t let it ever go, it may be that it won’t ever come back. And you know, the life without love can be pretty miserable.






Here you get again a part of my soul written with many sentences, hidden behind the main story. Maybe it’s time to put this pen away, close this book, and open a new one with new pen. ~ Maybe it’s time to move on…
Thanks for reading this, once again. You can’t know how much I appreciate it.

OMG....
I can't believe that it ended
No way
It was amazing story
Thanks Heli for writing it and sharing it with us
Can't wait to read more of your stories