"Wonderland" -Part 20 -Final part

oohhh... what her brain has??

so sad

wtf
i commented on this but it's gone

i said : OH NO

Yeah, I commented too!! but it's gone!! WTF!!?? And it's not the only comment of mine that is gone!

NO! Poor her!!
That really sucks I mean the situation, not the part!!!
Ooh I hope everything will be alright!!
More?

OMG!!

more

Part 16

Next day we told the truth to Sofía. That I might be very sick. But I think that she didn’t understand what was happening. And that was really understandable because she’s just 5 years old.

Days passed by and doctors did more tests but they didn’t gave any results yet. And I was just lying on my bed and thinking when I can finally go home.

One evening when Javi was visiting me, doctors came in.
“We’re glad we found you here.” one of them said and looked at Javi
“What? Do they have any results?” Javi asked.
“Yes.” they said.
I grabbed Javi’s hand in mine. I was scared what they were telling to us.
“What? Please, tell us.” I begged quietly.
“After those many tests, we know now what has happened to your brain.” doctor said.
“Just tell us.” Javi asked.
“Well, this news isn’t so glad. Your brain has injured in that kind of way that it won’t be the same ever again.” one of them said.
“So, what that really means then?” Javi asked confused.
“That her whole brain will be injuring.” the other continued.
“Please, speak that we understand that too.” Javi asked again.
“Well, if we say it straight. She’ll die, when the brain have injured badly enough.” one of them said.
And all that time I had just listened when they were talking about me. I was totally shocked. This can’t be true. Not now. I had a family, a husband, a child. I just can’t die now!
“So you can’t do anything for her?” Javi asked quietly.
“I’m sorry, but we can’t. Nobody can. We left you together now. We can talk this closer later.” they answered.
I had started cry. Tears ran over my cheeks and I couldn’t stop it. Javi hugged me tight.
“I find some doctor who can do something for you.” he whispered.
“Didn’t you hear what they say? Nobody can help me.” I cried.
“I don’t let you die now.” he said and looked straight to my eyes.
“Sometimes you just have to let go.” I whispered.
“But I can’t leave without you!” he said and started cry.
“I know that, I know.” I said and hugged him tight.
“But some things we just have to accept.” I said.
“If you die, I want die too. My life just isn’t the same without you.” he argued.
“No, if you die who’s then going to take care of Sofía?” I asked.
“You have to be strong. Because of Sofía.” I said.
“Yeah. How we’re going to tell this to her? I think she can’t understand this yet.” he asked.
“We must tell the truth again. And later, you should explain these things to her. When she’s older and understand more.” I said.
“Yeah. Maybe.” he replied.

Later the doctors explained everything and much better. So now we knew what we were going trough.
Javi stayed there that night. We talked about everything we should do and not to do. Doctors couldn’t say how much time I would have. The estimate was about two months. And even that was too less. But I just had to accept it. I was dying and that’s it. I couldn’t do anything for it.

omg
she can't die

ohhh no

she can't die

Are you kidding me? How can you let her die?

She can't die!!

NOOOO

Wha..wha... WHAT?! Noooo!! She can't die!!
Omg poor Javi and Sofía

Part 17

Like we guessed, Sofía didn’t understand my situation almost at all. But maybe later she could understand what really had happened. The doctors let me home because I hadn’t had any complications for a long time. If I just be at home and don’t do anything hard I could be there instead of hospital. And I really preferred of being at home than hospital. The living room changed my ‘rest room’. Javi brought everything necessary there so I didn’t need to move so much. And of course I had my littler helper with me. We decided that Sofía’ll be at home as long as I just can be there. And Javi was there as much as he just could be. And my friends visited there a lot. So I didn’t feel lonely at all. But still some people didn’t know how to act in front of me. I noticed that they were confused and they didn’t know what they could speak and what not. But I understood it. Who really could know what you can talk with dying person and what not. So I didn’t care about that.

But the sad truth was that I became weaker and weaker in every day. Those two months had gone fast, but I knew that my end was close. Really close.
Soon I was too weak to be at home, so I had to go back to hospital. But I would want to be at home till the end. But doctors didn’t let me to do that. But that was really understandable because nobody could take care of me at home.

Anything else changes I didn’t feel but I was so weak. And I even didn’t want to go anywhere from my room. I just lied on my bed and my thoughts were rounding and rounding in my head. I didn’t know what I should do now. Should I just accept this whole thing? Or just argue against it and don’t accept it in any situation. I was so confused. I just couldn’t believe that I was dying. It just was so strange idea. But now I had little started to realize that I was dying really. I was so weak that I couldn’t even walk anymore myself.

I really don’t know what Javi was thinking about this. He had closed his mind of me. Every time I asked how he is, he just smiled and answer was the entire time fine. But I didn’t believe him. Nobody can be just fine, if his wife is dying. I don’t want to argue of it, but I think I have to if he doesn’t speak to me honestly. He visits here every day, but he has built a wall around his mind. And I’m scared that I can’t get trough that wall before it’s too late. This whole situation is like a mess. Sofía doesn’t understand what is happening and she just asks every time when I’m coming home. And always I just have to answer that I’m not coming home ever. And Javi just is. He doesn’t speak much, only looks at me and Sofía. I know and understand that this is really terrible situation, but he should talk to me about it.

Poor Javi I think I know what will happen but I really really really REALLY(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) hope she'll live!!!

Poor family...

so sad

Damn. She has to live.

She can't die!! She just can't....
Poor family.. their should be happy..!

i don't want her to die.. she should live and stay with her family....

Naw this is too sad

Part 18

One day the whole D’Nash came to see me. I was really surprised and glad about it. We talked and joked a lot. But I noticed that Javi’s thoughts were somewhere else than here. When they were leaving I asked if they could take Sofía with them so we could talk with Javi together. Javi looked at me in a strange way, but didn’t say anything. When they had left, I asked him to sit next to me.
“I want that you talk to me honestly.” I said.
“So, what I should tell you?” he asked quietly.
“What are you thinking right now? For example.” I asked.
“Nothing much.” he answered.
“Yeah. That I just meant. Honestly please.” I asked.
“You really want know what I’m thinking right now?” he asked.
“Yes. I want.” I admit quiet.
“I’m thinking that this whole world is so unfair, because you’re dying. And I can’t do anything for you. I just watch next to you, when you slowly die in front of my eyes.” he yelled and cried at the same time.

Tears were burning my eyes too, but I wanted to solve the problems between us.
“I understand you, but haven’t you realized how horrible my situation is? It’s me who is dying. Not you. Even I think you have more terrible situation because you have to live with this. And I don’t.” I said sadly.
“I’m sorry that I yelled at you.” Javi said and hugged me.
“It’s okay. But I’m scared what happens to you if you don’t talk to anybody about these feelings.” I said and wiped his tears off.
“And you have built a wall around you and I can’t get trough of it. Please, show me how you feel.” I asked and took his face between my hands.
He didn’t say anything. I watched tight to his green eyes, witch at first didn’t show me anything. But then slowly I saw how the wall broke and how sad his eyes became. And he started to cry so helplessly. I hugged him and let him cry. I was mad myself that I hadn’t realized earlier how bad condition he was mentally. Finally his tears ended. I gently wiped the last of them.
“You don’t have to hide your feelings from me.” I said.
“I have right to know how you feel.” I continued.
“I’m sorry. But I just couldn’t” Javi replied.
“I feel that I don’t have so much time left anymore. So let’s be honest for each others, right?” I suggested.
“Okay.” he said and smiled a little.
“But I don’t know how I can stand a life without you.” he said then.
“I just can’t live without you and it’s so hard to be here when I know that I won’t see you ever.” he continued.
“You just have to be strong. Because of Sofía. She’s then your responsibility. Only yours. And of course you’ve right to be sad and you have to be sad. But continue your life. And don’t stay your place to worry about me. Promise me that. So I can leave here peacefully.” I said.
“I’ll promise.” Javi said and kissed me.
“Thanks” I said and hugged him tight.